BJSB: Demitri's B-day! (ft Dante from DMC)
by TheUnicornsAreAlive
Summary: Bernice and her gang are back! It's Demitri's B-DAY and Dante wants to celebrate it! So he asks Rosalina and Little Mac for their help, they also bring in Bernice, but can she make this a great b-day with the help of her allies as well? Plus, Someone finally have their hands on the sacred recipe! (crack pairings assured)
1. Chapter 1

**Demitri's Birthday**

 **Chapter 1: Turnabout bakery**

* * *

"Oh my a birthday? Well whose birthday is it?" A woman smiled as she asked because the request she got from was in fact, Dante, a dude with guns who hunts devils.

"Its for a friend, he is turning 666 today." Dante said as he lit a cigarette. The woman frowned at the bounty's actions.

"You can't smoke here, this is a bakery." The lady strictly enforced.

"I don't care." Dante flickered his match. The lady grew red.

"bOY IF YOU DONT"

The door swiftly opened, revealing Rosalina and Little Mac, entering and chatting about their favorite dessert.

"Have you ever tried the sweet lemon surprise? Oh my god that is so delicious!" The space southern belle licked her lips as she began to imagine her self on a big huge lemoncake.

"Yeah, I had a lemon cake before, but I really like strawberry." Little Mac said. He turned his head to notice Dante, smoking a cigarette next to an angry lady.

"Dante...?" Little Mac said. Dante's head looked up and saw Rosalina and Little Mac.

"Oh hey." Dante greeted, waving his cig.

"Why are you here? Don't you have y'know, devils to kill?" Little Mac asked.

"I'm off today, I'm actually buying a cake for a certainsomeone." Dante continued. "But this woman keeps pestering me to put my cig out."

"This is A BAKERY!" The lady screamed.

"She is right, this IS a bakery." Little Mac agreed.

Dante sighed aggressively and threw his cig down in the floor and squashed it.

"fucking sjws" Dante scoffed under his breath.

"Well, who is this cake for?" Rosalina asked. "It's for Demitri." Dante said.

"W-what?! U—h—-h he has a birthday?" Little Mac blushed.

"Yeah, you didn't know?" Dante asked.

"We only met him twice.." Rosalina said as she scratched her head.

"Yeah only two times!" Little Mac nervously laughed.

"OK.." Dante said. "So lady, I want a triple chocolate with blood cherries in it and on the top please write: "I hope you choke on your cake, happy birthday."

"You can't write that!" Rosalina blurted out. "Hey! That's a little rude don't ya think?" Little Mac said.

"You're right, I'm sorry, let's not have that, let's write just "Happy Birthday." " Dante said.

Rosalina sighed in relief.

"Go eat a dick." Dante continued.

"Dante!" The two screamed.

"Ugh! Fine! Jesus Christ!" Dante sighed again.

"Just write happy birthday Demitri." Rosalina said.

The lady nodded and went to the cashier.

Running up the total while Dante pulled out his wallet.

"The total is gonna be 23.34$" the lady said.

"What else are we gonna do for his birthday? This is kinda a milestone for him." Rosalina asked.

"Well, for one thing, We're already having the celebration on earth because I don't trust Makai." Dante explained.

"Makai? The demon world?" Rosalina questioned.

"Yeah, Demitri lives there now, he used to live here but he moved back." Dante said.

Little Mac and Rosalina looked at each other,

"I think I know who will help us with this birthday surprise!" Rosalina said.

"Who?" Little Mac and Dante asked.

Little Mac then widened his eyes, "oh my god, but will she agree?"

"Of course! She's our friend!" Rosalina smiled.

"Wait , who the hell are you talking about?" Dante said.

"Alright Fuckers! Hand over the secret lemon pie recipe!" Cia bursted in as she held a gun in her hand. Shadow came in as well.

Rosalina, Little Mac and Dante gasped.

"What are you guys doing here?" Rosalina asked.

"Who are these people?" Dante said, dazed in confusion.

Shadow and Cia walked towards the counter.

"Cia and Shadow, dumbasses of the galaxy." Little Mac said.

"Shut it 4ft!" Cia yelled. "Who the hell are you?" She pointed at Dante.

Dante looked up, "oh me? I'm dante from the firm office, Devil May Cry. I hunt devils."

"They're devils!" Little Mac pointed at Cia and Shadow, disgusted.

"Uh no,we're not! Go fuck yourself!" Cia shouted and then jumped on the counter, "now give me the lemon pie recipe!"

The Lady cowarded, "w-what?"

"Cia! Please! We are trying to plan a birthday!" Rosalina desperately said.

"Did she say birthdays? I like birthdays." Shadow said. Cia put her hand in front of shadow's face.

"Quiet edge! Go on, Blondie, what's this birthday about?" Cia chastised.

Rosalina trembled, then cleared her throat. "Well..um Demitri is turning 666 and Dante is holding a birthday party for him!"

Cia looked at Dante and laughed, "wow! Who knew Dracula McBitch was so old! I'll go grab the wheelchair, gramps may need it!"

"Well I was trying to write; "I hope you choke on your birthday cake but goody-goody princess and her fellow boxing champ denied it." Dante said.

"Good, you should have! But that's not the only thing he chokes on right?" Cia grinned as she turned her attention to Little Mac.

Little Mac gulped, he felt embarrassed.

"Let's just get the cake and go!" Little Mac rushed.

"Wait! Not so fast boxing boy! We need that formula!" Cia snapped.

"I don't have it!" The lady yelled back.

"But Cia! They're gonna have a birthday party! Can we go can we go!?" Shadow jumped up and down.

Cia sighed and thought to herself, Shadow hardly does anything fun, Lucina is mostly her squadback. She had to make a tough decision, after all, she does have more fun when she is with Rosalina. That means some shit is about to go down.

"Fine! I kinda what to see if Demitri aged yet." Cia sighed but then cheered.

Shadow eyes lit in excitement, finally, his first time he was at a birthday party.

"Well, we have to get bernice, she may want to tag along." Rosalina added.

Dante then asked a question, "Who is bernice?"

"She's an awesome person, you're gonna love her." Little Mac explained. Even though his own co-captain almost tried to kill her, his opinion was different of her.

* * *

"Alright! A 1,2,3!" Nana amplified.

Behind her, Popo was on the synthezier next to Roy who was on the turn tables. She began to sing her heart out while Popo and Roy were jamming behind her. She was singing a hindi-pop song for the upcoming talent show.

 _My mom does the Kuchipudi dance on every song.. Soon you'll become like your mom.._

Into the distance, Mewtwo heard the disturbance and mouthed the words "what the hell", walking to his door and opening to hear the commotion.

 _Now it'll come, as the ring will ring, saregama From inside the phone melodrama will burst out.._

He inched a little closer to hear the music which was coming from the courtyard. He saw Nana, Popo, even fuckboy Roy, moving to the beat they were creating.

 _It came for everything when I wished for it not to come, it came even more. Your mother's call, my mother's call, everyone's mother's.. Mother's phonecall came, your mother's.._

Mewtwo quickly covered his non-existent ears from the last two phrases,

(Maa ka phone aaya)

 _Mother's phonecall came.._

(Maa ka phone aaya)

 _Mother's phonecall came.._

The group kept repeating the last phase which made Mewtwo blurt out; "WILL YOU THREE SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I SHOVE THIS BOOK UP ALL YOUR ASSES! THAT'S NOT EVEN REAL MUSIC!"

The group suddenly stopped but couldn't hear Mewtwo's voice clearly.

"Did you guys hear that? It sounded like Mewtwo.." Nana recalled. The other two shrugged.

"Nah, not really, c'mon, we gotta practice! We got a show to win!" Roy shouted as he raised his fist in the air.

Nana shrugged as well and got back into singing and dancing their cover.

Mewtwo let out a scream and fell fetal postion on the floor.

Suddenly, Peach heard Mewtwo scream and she was kinda worried, Mewtwo hardly screams, something's wrong. She left the tea room to come see the band rehearsing. She was kinda awe-struck. She enjoyed live music but Mario hardly takes her to concerts.

"Oh wow, how's it going guys? Making music for an upcoming event?" Peach asked the band.

"Yeah for the talent show! We are trying to enter so we can win!" Popo explained. Roy nodded in agreement.

"Winner takes home 20,000$!" Roy exclaimed, "and we're gonna win!"

Peach giggled at Roy's determination, she loved positivity.

"My! Well, have fun dearies!" Peach said as she skipped her way to the hallway.

Soon as the band began to recollect themselves, Bernice walked by.

"the hell is this?" Bernice asked as she stopped.

"This is our band! We're competing in a talent show." Nana explained..AGAIN.

"A'ight cool, so do you guys like sing covers or make your own songs?" Bernice asked.

"Well we have one cover right now and the rest are our songs, We kinda have to get back to rehearsal. Soo.." Popo said.

Bernice backed off, "A'ight, sorry man." She then walked to the kitchen where she saw Rosalina and the gang come in, with a new face.

"Hey Rosalina, whose this white-hair dude, he seems..edgy." Bernice asked.

Rosalina let out an 'eep' and cleared her throat; "This is Dante from the firm office, Devil May Cry. He hunts devils.."

Dante nodded and greeted, "Hello, you must be Bernice."

Bernice nodded and waved back, "Hello."

Dante then decided it was smoke time and whipped out a brand new cigarette.

"Uh..." Shadow groaned as he saw Dante flicker his lighter but failing.

"Argh dammit, does anyone have a lighter?" Dante asked.

"Dante, you can't smoke here, we have kids here and uhm we don't really codone smoking.." Rosalina said with confused and certain eyes.

Dante grumbled a little and cursed under his breath, "damn it these sjws again!" He threw his cig away.

"So edgy..I like it" Cia whispered as she imagine Dante shirtless and on her bed, waiting for her to come home, as well as Link.

"Well, Bernice, we are holding a birthday celebration for shit-head asshat of the ye-" Dante said but was interrupted by Little Mac's clearing throat.

"AHEM" Little Mac said.

"We are holding a birthday celebration for Demitri and we wanted to know if you would like to help." Dante corrected himself again.

Bernice shrugged her shoulders, "Cool, I'll join. I just hope nothing life-threating or terrible is gonna happen like last time." Bernice said as she inched to look at Little Mac.

Little Mac jumped a little, "Hey it wasn't my fault! Marth wanted to kill you! I didn't want to kill you!"

"Uh-huh" Everyone said, even Dante.

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go buy the party favors! Dante do you know what Demitri likes?" Rosalina asked.

"Eh, he likes blood and power.." Dante said.

"Great, we're gonna hold a party for a greedy-blood thirsty rejected son of a rich ceo.." Cia sighed, depressingly.

"Also, he's like 666 years old." Dante added.

"I mean, I don't think he is gonna like kuzoos and bubble blowers at a party." Little Mac said.

Leffen walked inside the room where the gang was meeting up and ran up to them, all confused, yet adventorus.

"Hey it's Leffen, Maybe we should take him with us!" Little Mac said as he picked him up.

"Mac, that doesn't sound like a good idea, We're gonna be going to Hell to celebrate this party.." Rosalina said, concerned. "Leffen is like 5 months now.."

"Relax, this kid looks like he can handle Hell" Dante said as he grabbed Leffen. Leffen started to cry for his dad.

"He doesn't like that!" Rosalina said as she quickly snatched Leffen away from Dante, returning him back to Little Mac.

"Leffen does look tough though, I saw him rip his stuff animal's head off once." Little Mac said as he rocked Leffen back and forth.

"Boo!" Leffen yelled. He looked at all the smashers looking at him. Falco walked the same direction as Leffen was pointing at.

"There you are! Don't run away so much!" Falco said as he picked Leffen up. Leffen tried to L-cancel his way out again but aha, how the tables have turned.

"no! no!" Leffen protested and kicked his feet, beginning to cry. Falco took out a stuffed octopus and handed it to Leffen, who surprisingly stopped crying and played with it.

"That should keep him entertain for a few minutes." Falco stated as he checked his watch.

"What happens after the entertainment stops?" Dante asked as he tried to lit a cig but Rosalina sprayed water on him.

Falco shot a quick glance at Dante, "Hell." He responded as he remembered countless nights, Leffen crying and setting off air horns.

Leffen threw the octopus down and started to cry.

"Oh I guess time is up.." Dante concured. "That was rather..fast.."

* * *

"Happy Birthday Demitri!" Morrigan, a young succubus congratulated as she and her sibling, Lilith, set off party poppers to get the vampire king in the mood.

"Thanks Morrigan.." Demitri thanked as he looked out in the window. He began to remember all the times he went with Bernice and the gang, Chrom Battle of 2k15, PokeMania and even Pichu's kindergarden graduation.

Morrigan noticed the sulken vampire and walked over to him; "What's wrong my buff little vampire?"

"Nothing, I'm just a little tired." Demitri sighed.

* * *

"This is it!" A shadow figure crackled as they held the bottle in the air. "THE RECIPE FOR THE LEMON PIE ULTRA SPICY REMIX: 4TH EDITION~!" The shadow choked as he laughed and then just disappeared.

"You're next, Falco.." the shadow spoke up again followed by a menace laugh.

* * *

 **Chapter 14 is gonna hopefully be out on friday! Wattpad problems are caused me stress and aswell as school, so i took a mini break. IN Chapter 14, some one is gonna come back.. so be prepared.**

 **Nana's song is called Maa Ka Phone from the Bollywood Movie: Khoobsurat (?) its really funny!**


	2. Chapter 2: Mo' Butter Mo' Problems

**Chapter 2: Mo' Butter Mo' Problems**

* * *

"Honestly, we can't just have cake at a party." Little Mac said. "How about we make some food?"

The gang rambled and talked to each other about the idea that was being proposed. Rosalina clapped her hands in joy.

"Oh Little Mac that is perfect! Bernice and I can make our traditional southern food!" Rosalina cheered as she jumped up and down.

"He won't like that." Dante butted in, "He is a very picky eater."

Rosalina's expression completely changed, "Oh..is it because he normally drinks blood from virgins and Little Mac?"

"H-hey!" Little Mac blushed as he scratched his head.

"Part of it. Demitri doesn't really trust cooking from anyone unless it's his servants or himself." Dante explained.

Suddenly, Guy Fieri and Paula Deen appeared out of nowhere, scaring the crap out of Dante and Little Mac.

"AHH!" Little Mac screamed, hopping into Dante's arms.

"That leap was longer than his recovery!" Rosalina commentated.

"Picky eater problems y'all?" Paula asked. The gang nodded.

"Not to fear! My friend, Paula here can cook up some nice southern dishes! RIght off the spot!" Guy Fieri shamelessly promoted.

"I just need some butter..though." Paula asked as she rummaged through the Smash Mansion's fridge.

"Butter should be on the far left near the ethanol.." Meta Knight said.

"ethan-Oh! Thanks y'all!" Paula Dean thanked as she got out the big container of butter.

Rosalina's eyes were bigger than smash balls, "You're gonna use ALL of that for one dish? Uhm...you might kill him.."

"He doesn't like southern Food."Dante corrected.

"wELL THEN I WILL MAKE HIM LIKE SOUTHERN FOOD!" Paula Deen shouted as she flinged a whole pound of butter at Little Mac. Immediately, Little Mac was blind and screamed for help.

"AHH I CAN'T SEE! SOMETHING IS ALL OVER ME!" Little Mac wailed as he ran around. Rosalina and Meta Knight scurried to help him.

"Hang in there Mac!" Rosalina shouted.

"..ok.." Falco said as it got silent. Everyone just stared at each other for like 20 minutes.

"Haha crazy good!" Guy Fieri shouted as he tried to break the silence.

"Just shut the fuck up." Cia said.

"ok." Guy Fieri responded.

* * *

In the bedroom, Lucario was taking a nap. He was all tucked in bed, with his moon pie plushie, dreaming about the decline of the yen. The door creaked opened and it was Bowser, tip toeing to pass Lucario because if he woke up, he would ask him 1000+ questions about where he was.

"mmmm" Lucario mumbled as he turned over. Bowser saw and noticed how tired he was, I guess joining wouldn't hurt.

Bowser creeped to the bed and got in, kissed Lucario on the cheek and drifted to sleep.

"Mmmm..moon pies.." Lucario muttered as he turned over, opening his eyes to a familiar face.

"Bowser?" Lucario questioned as he slowly opened his eyes.

"Hey..lucario.." Bowser said as he yawned.

"When did you get here?" Lucario asked as he snuggled with Bowser, stroking his cheek.

"Eh not too long along, why are you sleeping?" Bowser asked.

"I just feel so bleh.." Lucario answered as he let Bowser bury into his neck.

"Alright.." Bowser said.

"Y'know. You still owe me." Lucario smirked.

Lucario then kissed Bowser as they pulled the cover over themselves.

* * *

"Here Leffen, it's a treat." Falco said as he handed Leffen a cookie. Leffen looked at it and cried.

"Huh, kids like cookies..he's just really weird." Cia said as she picked him up. Then a disgusting odor appeared.

"Oh my god..what is that awful smell?" Paula Deen said as she cried.

"Oh my god! It's coming from Leffen!" Cia screamed.

"So that's why he's crying!" Bernice said.

"I'll be back." Falco said as he carried Leffen to the changing station.

"Alright, the batter for the bun cake is done! Shadow, ya wanna lick the spoon?" Paula asked.

Shadow's eyes light in delight; "Yes Please!" He grabbed the spoon and licked it, it tasted like heaven to him.

"WHERE ARE THOSE FUCKING HOT-TOPIC WHORES!" Marth screeched like the dinosaur he was, huffing.

"Oh shit." Cia and Shadow said.

"Oh my, and you are?" Paula Seen asked.

"My name is Marth, I'm the member of the MemeMemeMeme Brigade."

"Oh my god, not him.." Bernice said.

"You!" Marth pointed Cia.

"Me!" Cia fired right back.

"You and your dirty little crew vandalized Forever 21 AGAIN!" He said in a high pitch voice.

"Oh? That? Pssh that was like 2 days ago" cia recalled.

Marth grew angrier and stormed off, cursing in nihongo (Japanese for u plebs).

"Wow is he always mad like that?" Guy Fieri asked.

"Yup." Cia said.

"Well, there be birthday hats at the party?" Shadow asked he kept licking the spoon.

"Uhmm..idk" Dante said.

"No, shadow." Cia strictly said.

"But Cia! I want a birthday hat!" Shadow said as he pouted.

"Oh my god, we are not fucking doing this again!" Cia yelled.

Rosalina, Meta Knight and Little Mac came back after the butter fiasco.

"Oh wow thanks guys I can finally see now." Little Mac thanked as he wiped his eyes.

"No problem, my old planet used to use grease for stuff like this, good thing Wario was near by!" Rosalina chuckled.

"Wait..where did that grease come from?" Little Mac asked.

"..From Wario's mustache.." Rosalina said.

Little Mac threw up.

* * *

"OK guys! 1,2,3!" Nana yelled.

Roy amplified his guitar while Popo got his drums ready.

Chrom and Captain Falcon walked by and saw the band.

"Holy shit! This looks fun!" Captain Falcon said.

"I wanna join!" Chrom said as he climbed on the stage.

"Uh..well can you play any instrument?" Nana asked.

"Uhm..does singing count?" Chrom asked.

"I can play the triangle!" Captain Falcon said as he brought out his triangle, playing it.

"He's in! I like him!" Roy shouted as he stood up.

"Yay!" Captain Falcon cheered as he got up on stage.

"You're in as well, Chrom! But first, let's hear you something." Popo said.

"Ok." Chrom responded as he cleared his throat.

 _I'm like a begger with no love_

 _I'm holding signs up on your street corner stops_

 _Like most of you try not to see me_

 _You stare straight ahead_

 _Ignore the responsibility_

 _Excuse me...excuse me Mr._

 _I've been waiting in line_

 _And I'd like to buy some of your time_

 _I'm very anxious, eager, willing_

 _What's your billing?_

Nana and Popo clapped, they were shocked.

"Wow only 90's kids love this!" Roy smiled. "You're in!"

Chrom let out a high-pitched pig squeal.

Everyone covered their ears.

"Oh my god stop!" Nana pleaded.

Marth somehow heard and became deaf again.

"GODDAMMIT CHROM" He yelled before he fell on the floor.

"Ok..you're in, but dONT DO THAT AGAIN." Roy ordered.

"Sorry its just that..i'm finally part of a side story. Usually, I'm just supporting for like a few lines but like now I can have an actual development. Y'know?" Chrom explained.

"Bitch, didn't you have two chapters dedicated to you going crazy and running around? Do not talk about underdeveloped traits!" Nana and Popo said. I feel bad now, I didn't dedicate two chapters about them and they are my all time favourite main.

"Well anyways, let's get started!"

The band started to jam out.

* * *

"Well, we just need to add seasoning!" Paula Dean said.

Cia walked over with rat poisoning.

"Cia! Are you fucking crazy!? We're not gonna kill him!" Little Mac said he grabbed the rat poisoning.

"His old-ass is gonna die some day!" Cia said.

"Yes but let's not make today THE DAY!" Rosalina yelped.

Cia huffed as she left the counter. "I hate you guys.."

Guy Fieri looked at the bun cake and licked his lips, grossly.

"My! That is a great bun cake!" Guy said as he tried to cut a piece.

"No stop!" Paula Deen said as she slapped his hands.

Suddenly, a thud was heard upstairs.

"Did y'all hear that?" Paula said as she looked up.

"Eh?" Shadow said.

The thud was getting louder and louder until Cia went to go check on it.

"It's nothing out of th- **HOLY FUCKING TIT SHIT PISS FUCK WHAT THE HELL IT'S THE AFTERNOON ALSO LOCK THE DOOR**!"

It was obviously Lucario and Bowser.

"Get out of here Cia!" Lucario screamed as he hid his face.

Bowser huffed, "Cia!"

* * *

Back at Demitri's castle. Demitri was still sulking.

"Oh my god, stop sulking and actually do something! Let's go get drunk! Have a great time! Meet new people!" Morrigan yelled.

"Leave me alone Morrigan, I just wanna be left alone.." Demitri said he sighed.

"Ugh! So dramatic!" Morrigan said as she left.

* * *

"Wow! We finally got the food done!" Little Mac shouted.

"Yes! Let's go get the supplies!" Guy Fieri smiled and laughed.

Everyone got inside Meta Knight's ship after it was in the shop for like 23 months.

"This cushion is comfty, who made this?" Rosalina commented.

"They were handcrafted by my right-wing guy." Meta Knight responded as he drove the ship to Walmart.

In the air, a mysterious shadow appeared, following the ship.

"Leffen should be in there." The shadow crackled under their breath.

Meta parked the ship in the air, opening the back door.

"WaIT HOW THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA LAND SAFELY!" Cia yelled.

"Like this!" Bernice responded as she pushed Cia out and soon followed her down.

Cia was screaming all the way down.

"Weeeee!" Little Mac screamed.

Leffen and Falco jumped as well.

"Y'all ready Guy?" Paula Dean exclaimed as she jumped out with a parachute.

"Heheh you know I was born to FLY~" Guy fieri exclaimed as he jumped out.

Everyone successfully landed except for Little Mac.

"Whew! The Food Network never let us do stuff like this!" Guy Fieri commented

"I know right? This was such a wild trip!" Paula said.

"Why are we at Walmart?" Cia asked as she was still holding Shadow the Hedgehog.

"To get utensils, and last minute things. We kinda want this a cool party." Rosalina responded.

"Will there be alcohol there?" Dante asked.

"Omg YASSS especially that liquor, like it gets me wasted quickly." Cia said as she highed fived Dante.

"Um..well, we're only gonna get wine..and that's that." Rosalina confirmed.

"Wine works too." Cia shrugged.

"NO! NO ONE IS GONNA GET DRUNK OK? I WANT THIS TO BE PERFECT, NOT FOR YOU TO GET SHITFACE YOU LITTLE SHITS! OK? OK?" Rosalina lost it.

"Woah, babygirl calm down." Bernice said.

"DANTE PUT THAT FUCKING CIGARETTE OUT BEFORE I SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT" Rosalina screamed then walked away,grumbling.

"Woah, never seen that side before." Shadow said.

"Trust me, you don't wanna." Bernice said.

"Gah!" Leffen laughed as he played with his toy octopus, hiddles.

"Ok, Leffen, you wanna ride the cart?" Little Mac asked Leffen. Leffen nodded and jumped up.

"Ok, first on the list: cups and silverware." Rosalina said as they entered the aisle with the utensils and napkins with cups.

Shadow looked around until he saw the most precious thing, a party hat.

"Cia! it's a party hat! Can I get one can I get one!?" Shadow jumped up and down.

"Ugh, fine.." Cia sighed.

Soon, the shadow lurked behind them and revealed themself.

"Hello Falco, missed me?" The shadow grinned.

Everyone gasped, inculding Paula and Guy.

"Wait! You're!" Falco couldn't finish the sentence!

"I thought you died!" Rosalina yelled.

"Woah, cool arm!" Little Mac said.

"Aw hell nah, really? you again?" Bernice sighed. "Mann"

* * *

 **Omg! Who came back!? (hint: they weren't really that much developed)**

 **Find out in the next chapter!**

 **The song Chrom was singing was called: Excuse me Mr. by No Doubt.**


	3. Chapter 3: Call him Venus

Chapter 3: Call Him Venus

* * *

Back at the Walmart, Falco and the gang finally met face to face with the shadow.

"You're alive.." Falco gulped.

Indeed, Tom Hiddleston was ALIVE! It's just he had a bionic arm and such.

"Correct! After your stupid gang left me to die, someone was so kind to save me and now, I have it." Tom slyly smirked. "And now i'm gonna kill all of you!"

"You snake!" Little Mac hissed.

"Me? A snake?" Tom Hiddleston laughed as he charged his bionic arm. "Oh please, you make me laugh." He then shot at Dante, who moved out the way and aimed at him.

"Y'know, I mostly kill devils but you're an exception. "Dante smirked as he shot his gun.

Little Mac, Rosalina and Meta Knight ran to hid behind the bakery.

Little Mac let out a high-pitched scream, "I DONT WANNA DIE!"

Rosalina and Meta Knight slapped him around for a good minute or 2.

"Mac! Pull yourself together! I got a plan!" Rosalina said.

"Damn this guy!" Falco said as he hid. He soon realized something, Leffen.

"Leffen!" He yelled. He looked around and couldn't find him. Wow, grade-A parenting right here.

Leffen was wandering around the store, looking for the gang. He then stumbled upon Tom, who was ALSO looking for the gang.

"This is the kid? Heh. I'll just keep him for ransom!" Tom smirked. Leffen rubbed his eyes, he was ready for a nap.

"Oh Falco! I have Leffen!" Tom said as he held up Leffen.

Falco's eyes widened, "Tom you son of a bitch! If you do anything to him I swear to god!"

"Oh don't worry, just hand over that BUN CAKE!" Tom yelled.

"Never! That BUN CAKE is sacred to my clan!" Paula screamed. "It's been my family's duty for 3000 years to protect it!"

Tom then realized Paula Deen made the bun cake.

"Hand that bun cake or Leffen gets it!" Tom said.

"HIIIIIYAAAA!" Rosalina screeched as she kicked Tom in the face, releasing Leffen.

Meta Knight swooped to get Leffen and Little Mac punched Tom out the store.

"Leffen!" Falco cried as he hugged his son, "Oh my god! I will keep a better eye on you from now on!"

"..Let's continue shopping, I mean, all we have left is to get the party favors." Dante said.

"So Paula..what was that Bun cake part about?" Bernice asked.

"My family has always been expert crafters in making cakes, especially the Lemon pie surprise and the bun cake. The bun cake one is our most treasured creation and only our family can make it correctly. If Tom got his hands on it, it would be too powerful for him!" Paula explained.

"Cake!" Leffen eeped.

"Hey! He finally said a word!" Little Mac cheered. "Next is sentences!"

"Well, we got everything, we kinda have to pay for it now." Bernice said as they walked up to a self-checkout.

* * *

Back at the mansion, Nana and her band rocking out, even though they're a pop/eurodance group.

Chrom was dancing while Roy was shredding that synthzier, Popo was hitting those drums and Captain Falcon was jamming on that triangle.

Nana was singing loud and clear,

 _I got to give it up._

 _I got to give it up_

 _I got to give it up_

 _I got to get away_

 _Give it what you want_

 _Give me what I need but_

 _I got to get awa_ y.

Chrom began to break dance on the floor while everyone watched in amazement.

"Amazing!" Roy cheered.

"Guys, I think we're ready!" Chrom jumped up.

"My, my, that was superb I must say." Ganadorf slowly clapped as he entered into the room.

"Oh why thank you!" Nana smiled.

"Not you! I'm talking to fish boy!" Ganadorf frowned.

Chrom was too busy stuffing his face with fish sticks.

"Mmf?" Chrom finally looked up in wonder.

"Your hip-hop skills and my company can make you and your little "freaks on wheels" rising stars!" Ganadorf said.

"Freaks on wheels?!" Popo yelled.

"Yes, now scram!" Gandadorf screamed at the young Eskimo, who ran behind Captain Falcon's legs.

"Here" Gandadorf said as he gave chrom an address.

"I'm having a party tonight, you can bring them if you want. But I will discuss everything there."

Google Chrom nodded as he looked at the paper then back at his band.

"Eeeh?" Chrom said.

"Fine, we'll go but we wanna know as well!" Nana said.

"Yeah man! I'm not a freak!" Roy yelled.

"OK, well lets head there." Chrom said.

"Let's take my car!" Falcon exclaimed as he pressed the button for it to honk.

"Sweet, alright!" The gang cheered as they got into the car.

They drove out to the address.

* * *

"Whew! I think Demitri will like this!" Little Mac said as they head back to the ship. Everyone rolled their eyes except for Rosalina and Meta Knight.

"Let's just head to Makai and just have the damn celebration like Jesus.." Cia sighed.

Shadow was wearing a birthday hat, don't ask how he got it.

* * *

"Master...that group..they're heading to Makai! They going to celebrate a birthday.." Tom said as he bowed.

"Hmm, a celebration? With who?" The boss asked.

"I honestly don't know but it may be the vampire Demitri." Tom uttered. Oh how he hated vampires.

"Well what are you waiting for? Destroy that party!" The boss angered as they slammed their fist down

Tom flinched as he got up, "yes master."

* * *

Back at the band, who haven't named themselves yet. They were looking for the address.

"OK so turn left on Oak Street then keep going straight for like two miles." Roy said as he read the directions off his own phone.

"Go straight." Nana restated.

"Alright, we are almost thereeee..?" Chrom said as he stopped.

"Um..Falcon..this is a strip club.." Chrom said.

"What? Why would a contract manager be at a strip club?" Nana asked.

"Its because he's rich! Rich people love strip clubs. My dad goes to several of them all the time and bringing back a stripper at 1 am...holy shit I think my dad is cheating on my mom.." Roy concluded.

"Well, we're going in!" Chrom said.

The band sighed.

They got out of the car and walked towards the entrance and quickly saw ganondorf.

"Hey! Ganon!" Captain Falcon yelled out in the crowd. Ganon looked at the gang and greeted them into his V.I.P area.

"Hey! You made it! Y'know, many people get discouraged because I mostly hang out in strip clubs but you guys seem chill." Ganon laughed loudly with his side chicks as they kept looking at him.

"Yeah..ganon, so what's this deal about?" Nana asked.

"Oh? This deal? I heard you guys are competiting in a talent show, correct?" Ganon replied.

The band nodded but Captain Falcon wondered around, looking at the middle stage where a familiar space cadet was on the pole..

"Well, if you guys win, considered yourselves stars! I am willing to sign you on my company to start producing music for a living!" Ganondorf explained.

"Really?" Chrom's eyes beam as he looked at his band.

"Yes!" Ganon cheered. "All you have to do is win the competition!"

"That sounds great!" Nana exclaimed.

"Aww yeah show me that ass." Captain Falcon grinned as he sat like Drake in Anaconda.

"Lap dances are 20$ if you want one~" the small stripper smirked.

Falcon eagerly grinned and handed the stripper a twenty.

"Oh my you couldn't wait?" The stripper smirked as they danced on Captain Falcon's lap while he was blindfolded.

"Oh yeah" falcon said.

"Well thank you Ganon..hey where's Falcon?" Popo said.

Roy looked and saw him, "oh y'know, he's getting a lap dance from OLIMAR?!"

The gang turned their heads to Olimar who was twerking on Captain Falcon.

"OLIMAR?!" The gang yelped.

"Now, babe tell me your name" Falcon asked.

"Hehehe it's venus~ I never give out my real name!" Olimar giggled as he rumpled his butt on Falcon.

"Venus? Ooh I like that, how about me and you leave this joint later to-" Falcon grinned but was interrutped by Nana.

"OLIMAR!" Roy ran to him. The space cadet gasped as he quickly got off of Falcon, knocking him out, running into the dressing room.

"How DID YOU GUYS GET HERE?!" Olimar screamed.

Soon, the Halbred crashed into the wall.

"Oh goddammit.." Nana said as she face planed herself.

"Damn it Meta Knight we crashed in to a..STRIP CLUB?" Cia said as she got out.

"Whooo! Venus! Here I come!" Guy Fieri yelled as he hopped out of the ship.

"Holy shit, its Bernice and the gang" Popo declared.

The two gangs looked at each other and waved.

Captain Falcon suddenly awoke, "V ENUS I LOVE YOU! WAIT WHAT? WHERE'S VENUS?"

"Well my, my, my! A strip club! The devils work!" Paula Seen said as she clutched her cross in her palm as she walked around.

"Falcon! Venus is-" Popo said. The lights suddenly dimmed as the both gangs look at the stage which was quickly lit. People were cheering and hollering, even making noises that I couldn't describe..

"I was borrrrrrrn by the river" Chrom sanged as he somehow got on stage only in his underpants. When Chrom sanged, that meant he was drunk.

"River, river, river, r,r,R" He continued.

The crowd cheered as they threw money on Chrom. Some one even put 50$ in his underwear.

Both gangs were in shock.

"Oh my god" rosalina gasped.

"Oh?" Guy Fieri said.

"Umh.." Bernice mumbled.

Chrom did the unthinkable, he started to twerk.

"I was born by the river I was shaking that ass." He sanged but he soon was on Falcon, twerking on him but he was still blind-folded.

"Venus? Is that you my sweet petite cupcake?" Falcon asked.

"Bend it over, pop that pussy. I was making that cash."

"Ok! sTOP STOP!" The gangs interfered as Nana and Popo lead Chrom off Falcon, he was still somehow twerking.

"Venus! Nooo" Falcon cried.

"Falcon that wasn't Oli-I mEAN Venus. That was Chrom." Roy said.

"Wait Chrom was the one singing? Damn he has a nice voice." Falcon said as he was obviously unphased by the fact he twerked on him.

"And a nice ass." The joint's owner said as he came from down stairs.

"No! You can't fuck me! Only...Ganon can..ughh." Chrom burped as he was clearly drunk.

"You...'re cuSlooshte, letz make out!" Chrom announced as he held Roy's cheek.

"Uh Chrom, you're married.." Roy responded.

"ShhhhhHhhh!" Chrom clumsly put his finger on Roy. "Hhhhhh!"

"Uhm.." Nana reacted.

Olimar came back when he thought they were gone but um ding dong he was wrong. "OK! Just gotta go back and go work that po-WHY ARE THEY STILL HERE!" Olimar shouted as he dashed back into the dressing but Falcon reconizged him.

"Venus! I could have sworn I heard that angelic voice somewhere.." Falcon claimed. Olimar walked over to Falcon and took the 20 he was holding.

"Thank you~" Olimar said as he lap danced on him.

"Ahh yeah." Falcon muttered.

"Olimar! Why are you here?" Nana asked.

"Ah! WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Olimar screamed.

"Huh?" Falcon said as lifted his blindfold, "Wait..Olimar? YOU'RE VENUS?!"

"uh hehehe..yeah.." Olimar nervously smiled but went back to whimpering.

"Olimar is a stripper?!" Little Mac yelled in confusion.

"How brave of him to work for his family." Rosalina said as she shed a tear. A true american hero.

"I have to pay for things y'know!" Olimar cried. "And I took this opportunity to help with my finance situation!"

"But you live with us.." Popo stated.

"True, but I make this money for my family." Olimar said.

"Ooh, carry on!" Falcon happily said as he put the blindfold back on.

"Anything for the customer!" Olimar rejoiced as he continued to lap dance on him.

"Umm Olimar, we have to leave.." Nana said.

"Oh,.." The space stripper said as he looked at Captain Falcon.

"Well I'll see you later, Venus!" Captain Falcon smirked.

"WHO RUINED MY WALL?" A roughy, sketchy man screamed as he walked in the club. He saw the ship and Bernice.

"What the hell? Do you know how much this building cost me?" He said as he was angerily walking down the steps of the stairs to come at Bernice.

"Probably not a lot." Bernice responded.

In the back, Little Mac and Cia began to laugh while Rosalina and Meta Knight gasped.

"Excuse me? You wanna speak up?" The man snapped as he got closer to Bernice.

"First of all, you need to back the hell up, to close man. Second, you have a raggedy-ass strip joint. So not a lot." Bernice said as she pushed the man a little back.

"You know what I do to little smart-asses like you? I snap your necks!" The man yelled as he jabbed Bernice with his index finger in her chest.

Bernice quickly reacted as she grabbed the man and threw down the stairs.

"Oh my god!" Paula Deen shouted.

"That's Bernice for ya." Little Mac sighed.

* * *

 **Tom is back again! Does this mean another set up for Mango and Leffen? Why is Ganon at a strip club? Tune in next time for Demitri's Birthday!**


	4. Chapter 4: Majestic Flight of Lumas

**Chapter 4: The majestic flight of Lumas**

* * *

"Dayuum" Dante whistled.

The man, who is surprisingly the owner, grunted as he got up.

"That let's you know not to put yo damn hands on me! Fuckboy!" Bernice yelled down at the owner.

The whole gang was stunned, even Dante, who rarely is surprised.

"Argh...you bitch!" The owner screamed as he scurried to his pocket, which has a gun. He grumbled as he aimed at Bernice, who didn't even look.

"Eat bullets bitch!" The man yelled as he pulled the trigger, shooting the chandelier across from Rosalina, which made her scream.

"OH MY GOD! HE HAS A GUN!" Rosalina screeched.

"Ahh!" Nana and Popo shouted as they hid.

People began to panic as well as join in the non-existance fight. It was literally Texas Ranger.

"Cmon everybody out!" Captain Falcon shouted as he grabbed Nana and Popo under his arms.

He threw them into his car as Chrom stumbled while Roy tried to keep his posture.

"..AND THEN THAT BItch told me to Chill! But little did she know *hiccup* I could read her like a scantron." Chrom slushed his words.

"Uhuh..what else?" Roy asked as he put him in the car.

Captain soon started the engine until he heard a familiar voice.

"Venus! I mean, Olimar!" Nana exclaimed. Olimar came dashing to the car.

"Falcon!" Olimar said as he ran up to him.

"Olimar.." Falcon stated. "Need a lift?"

"Oh yes please.." Olimar responded.

* * *

"Let's get back to the ship!" Paula exclaimed. She dashed her way through the crowd, hopping up on the Halbread ship.

"Rosalina!" Meta Knight shouted.

"Meta!" Rosalina shouted back. Meta grabbed Rosalina's hand and helped her on the ship as it floated above the ground. /bro-OTP..

"To Hell!" Little Mac declared.

"Eh..yes, um where is that by the way?" Meta Knight asked.

"Oh! I got the map right here!" Dante popped up, opening a wrapped up map, showcasing the location.

"Actually, we are at a portal." Dante said.

"Yeah great going smartass but where?" Cia awoke from her nap.

"Where the hell have you been?" Little Mac asked.

"Sleeping, dumbass!" Cia shouted.

Little Mac rolled his eyes.

"Now is Hell like FlavorTown?" Guy asked.

"The fuck's a FlavorTown?" Dante replied.

The ship suddenly rocked back and forth.

"Sorry, Turbulence" Meta Knight stated.

Shadow was too busy to care as he was playing with his birthday party favors, it was Cia's way to keep him occupied.

Falco and Leffen were sleeping through the whole ride to hell.

"Poor Falco, it must be hard to take care of Leffen without Mang0.." Rosalina desperately sighed as she looked at Leffen.

"He's been doing fine to me." Bernice added.

"Yeah but, Leffen only has one family figure in his life right now.." Rosalina kept going.

"Wow Rosie, you make it sound like Mang0's dead.." Mac said.

Falco grumbled as he awoke and looked around.

"Huh? We're still flying?" Falco was puzzled.

"Umm, no, we survived a strip-joint shooting and Bernice threw a dude down a flight of stairs." Dante recalled.

"Ahaha Nice!" Falco responded. Leffen got up to cry, for food obviously.

"Oh dear, where's his bottle?" Falco said as he picked Leffen up to calm him down. He finally found it and gave it to Leffen.

"How exactly old is Leffen?" Dante asked.

"Ehh he has a mentality of a 3-year old but he is like 2 months old." Falco said.

The ship bumped again, abruptly.

"Oops, still haven't passed Turbulence area yet." Meta Knight informed.

* * *

In Falco's car, what the fuckery was being explained.

"OK so like..he pulled out a gun and people joined in as well?" Nana said.

"That strip-joint might be in cahoots with the mafia!" Roy exclaimed. "I saw it on the news the other day, "Mafia businesses and why we should care"

"Roy, you gotta stop staying up all night watching the news.." Popo said.

"So Olimar, when we get home, how about you and I-" Falcon suggested.

"FALCON!" Nana and Popo both scolded.

"Alright, sheesh fine.." Falcon sighed.

In the trunk, Chrom was delightfully sleeping.

* * *

Back at Makai, Demitri was STILL sulking.

"Oh my god! Demitri!" Morrigan shouted.

"Leave me alone Morrigan, let me just sit here in peace.." Demitri said as he rubbed his head.

* * *

Back up in the air, the Halberd just barely entered the Hell portal. Dante looked around, "huh nothing changed?"

"Are you serious that we are going to hell?" Paula Deen said as she clinged to the seat.

"Yeah ahah, this is my kind of FlavorTown!" Guy exclaimed.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP" Everybody yelled.

"Haha, ok" Guy Fieri said.

Soon, a "tatatata" noise right underneath the ship.

"What the fuck was that?" Cia yelled.

"I don't know! But it doesn't sound too good!" Dante said.

"The sound is traveling higher up!" Guy Fieri yelled.

Cia opened the ceiling window and threw Shadow on top of the ship.

"Tell me what you see up there!" Cia yelled from below.

The faker looked and scanned the area only to be greeted with a ship that emerged from the sea of reddish clouds. A ship that belonged to Tom Hiddleston X.

"Uhm...we have company!" Shadow screeched as he quickly climbed down to Cia's arms.

"Argh its that Tom dude again!" Paula said as she looked out of the window.

"I'll handle this!" Rosalina said as she started to climb up the stairs that lead outside. But Bernice stopped her.

"Baby girl! Its too dangerous!" Bernice said. "Bernice, I'm the queen of space. My duty is to protect the galaxy and my friends, and if I had go destroy a few metal tinker toy, then I will!" Rosalina said as she climbed up. As she gracefully floated off the ground, she then blew a whistle with assembled all the lumas in front of her. She smiled as all of them came towards her.

"My Dearie's, are you ready? V-formation,go!" Rosalina commanded with her wand.

The lumas scurried to form an aerial V.

"Wonderful! Now, plasma blast those ships! Go!" Rosalina yelled.

The lumas charged their cannons and released a blueish- greenish beam that diagonally strucked through one of the ships.

"My, that was marvelous! But first, this may get rough, plasma barrier!" Rosalina commanded again as a clearish spheric shape formed around the ship.

"I believe you're forgetting a spot! Rosie, my dear!" Tom chuckled.

"Tom! How did you-" Rosalina gasped.

"Hmm, I'm not human, remember? I was killed." Tom laughed.

"Rosie!" Little Mac jumped up as he saw Tom. "C'mon guys we gotta help her! Tom is on our ship!"

"Goddammit! This little brat is seriously pissing me off!" Cia yelled as she climbed up.

"Now Rosie, hand me over your wand! Or goodbye to your precious children!" Tom sneered.

"You wouldn't dare touch them! They are just lumas!" Rosalina shouted back.

"I don't give a fuck! I honestly don't care if they were my mother!" Tom said. "Now haND ME THAT WAND OR ELSE YOUR FUCKING LUMAS DIE!"

"Sorry Tom, there can be only one queen of bitchery and THATS ME!" Cia exclaimed as she aimed her spear at Tom.

"Eheheh, well isn't it the Hot Topic Shits? Where your leader and that mewdicktwo?" Tom laughed while he asked.

"Being pussies as always, but to me, you're just child's play." Cia smirked.

"Yeah go get 'em Cia!" Little Mac cheered. "Holy shit, I'm cheering for my enemy."

"Ah, perfect, the MemeMemeMeme Bitches decided to stop by! What happened to Minna and Feeling it Guy?" Tom said.

"They're actually having a pretty heavy time..its not going too well.." Little Mac answered.

"Oh, sorry, tell them to send my condolences" Tom quickly apologized.

"Wow man, that was deep.." Cia said as Little Mac cried.

"um GUYS HELLO? HE'S ABOUT TO KILL MY KIDS" Rosalina yelled.

"Oh right" Little Mac and Cia said in unison. Cia laughed as she jumped over the head of Tom and Rosalina.

"Im here to kick your ass, Tom!" Cia stated as she readied her spear.

"Me too!" Little Mac chimed in as he bashed his two boxing gloves in but he then winced at the pain he caused.

"Owie~!" Little Mac winced. Cia sighed and facepalmed.

"Please ignore him, I honestly wish I never met him before.." Cia said. Little Mac let out a "hey!" in the distance.

"Oh no worries, I honestly wished I never met you!" Tom cracked a laugh. This was gonna be a tough fight.

* * *

 _ **Rosalina and her Lumas are in trouble! Can Cia help defeat Tom and kick him off the ship? What about drunk Chrom? Will Demitri be able to snap out of his depressed-edgy way or will Morrigan just give up and leave him be like he asked? Find out next time!**_


End file.
